It’s Strictly Business — But Don’t Become Cold


For a long time, I believed wearing emotions up the sleeve was a valid way to work. If something mattered, show passion. If a bad decision was not being reversed fast enough, show frustration. If progress was slow, show urgency. Emotions felt like proof that you cared. I brought that energy into discussions on engineering efficiency, long-term architecture, and pushing back on short-term trade-offs that would hurt the future.

Then came the feedback that changed my thinking. It was not that I was wrong on the substance. It was that I had not built enough trust with the new people. My intensity was being felt more than my intent. That was the aha moment. Being emotionally charged may feel authentic, but it often creates friction where alignment is needed.

My instinctive reaction after that was to swing to the other extreme—to become cold, detached, and purely transactional. Before I went too far, I realized that would be another mistake. The answer was not emotional volatility, and it was not aloofness either. The right place is in the middle: objective, calm, professional, but still human enough to build trust. Be clear without heat. Be firm without distance. As the iconic line goes, “It’s not personal, Sonny. It’s strictly business.” Just remember that business still runs on relationships.

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